Velvet Sweat

Trying to Remember

velvetsweat — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 22:15:09 +0000

I must remember at all costs my own life and the decisions that will affect how I live it. I must remember to love and to forgive and to ask to be forgiven. I must never forget compassion. Nor forget those who have shown me such wonderful things, as each impression is made slowly molds the shape of my character.

I must remember romance and mystery and intrigue. The dark nights and the cold mornings. Birds chirping.

You know, beautiful, sentimental everyday things. I have to remember to let myself enjoy these things.

Keeping Active

velvetsweat — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:15:47 +0000

I am ready for school and on the look out for a job. I have actually remained pretty active since my trip which has made a lot of things so much easier. I am depressed a great deal less than I used to be, I feel good about myself and my situation. I a for the the first time in awhile in pretty decent shape. Things I used to lose it and go apeshit over don’t even bother me anymore.

like rain on the mountians

Its as if a fog has been lifted from my head to reveal a beautiful morning.

Sweet Sweet Newness

velvetsweat — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 23:05:12 +0000

I have just had the month of my life. The experience I had hoped and prayed for has come and I could not be more grateful. I must tearfully confess I feel like a whole person again, no longer the hateful, lacking bastard I had known so long I feel reborn, bright and shiny and brand new.

End of the Day

Who?

velvetsweat — Tue, 12 May 2009 06:44:51 +0000

I am looking for that next great thing, the adventure and the happy ending. I am on the watch for that great love, the bright light that shines down from above.

I am a human nobody caught in material limbo. Won’t you big spiritual kahunas show me the way?

I am the wayward traveler, the friendly vagrant, with eyes wide open and a smile shining vacant.

I am blessed, yes I am blessed to feel the way I do and to have the time and place to to do so.

The Summer’s Here!

velvetsweat — Fri, 08 May 2009 20:25:21 +0000

Ladies and gentlemen the summer is here and I could not be happier. What a great three months I have to look forward to.

Yesterday I was all kinds of depressed but even a day later I can barely remember why. Sure the loneliness is frustrating and alienating but honestly I ought to be on top of all that by now.

No matter though, fun in the sun, road trips and the like are on the agenda, there’s no time for feeling sorry for my lucky self. The song for myself, this moment is Addicted to Drugs by the Kaiser Chiefs. This is my liquor guzzling, chain smoking, pot reeking anthem for the summer.

In like a week I’m gone, going to Idaho with some friends, I’ll definitely be sure to post some pictures. Not that anyone really reads this.

Today

velvetsweat — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 05:51:21 +0000

What a strange day, seriously, maybe it’s just me but today was odd.

When my dads car broke down and I found myself hugging some random person from high school who was generous enough to stop and ask me if I needed a ride, she totally made my day.

And then work, well work was just shitty nothing all that weird really

Tagged: High School

velvetsweat — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 06:38:40 +0000

I am ashamed and bruised and disgusted. I am so lost in the woods I may never find my way back. If I ever wanted to, that is.

I am jaded and naive and heartbroken and angry. I am also more than annoyed that this qualifies as a post. I mean really, sure I’m a bitter piece of garbage but my own standards have dropped so low lately it’s hard to…hold on? How about that?

Space case

velvetsweat — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 06:11:52 +0000

I used to think so many horrible, ridiculous things. I used to think none of this was worth it, and I would swear by it, that this was all some sick joke played on us by the cold, heartless universe.

God I used to be so over dramatic.

Just looking back at my life right now feels weird, I don’t feel as if any of that stuff ever happened to me, like it was some godawful nightmare spanning most of my youth not the reality it was.

Did I say used to be over dramatic?

I am so much better off now and so much more happy. The ups and the downs take me for a ride regardless but now I get up from a fall a lot faster.

Even when things are colorless and bland it’s still so much better than how lots, if not most people have it. I have my health and my friends and family and I take them for granted. So much so in fact I find it almost impossible to effectively imagine those things happening.

For the freedom to be bored and lonely without any real reason to do so I must be absolutely thankful. Getting drunk and melodramatic, throwing myself around the room, telling myself horrible things just because I can for no goddamn reason is at best, a dubious past time.

Tagged: freedom

Lucky

velvetsweat — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 07:33:18 +0000

Everything has been so far out of proportion for so long it’s difficult to take a good, long, hard look at it. So I wont.

I am one lucky son of a bitch.

Tonight was Strange

velvetsweat — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 06:05:10 +0000

I can’t feel bad for my situation anymore, whether I want to or not and I’ll tell you why. As I got off of work I got in my dad’s car and he says to me, Do you guys get a lot of homeless going through your trash?

I kind of gave him a puzzled look, because I work in a restaurant on a very fancy university campus and I just assumed that there weren’t wandering vagrants rummaging through the dumpsters. But as we pulled out to go home we saw a raggedy old man looking through another garbage can so I rolled down my window and gave him the food Arnufo had been kind enough to make me at the end of my shift.

I guess really the only reason I even write about this is because when that poor bastard looked at me and said thank you his voice sounded like busted glass in a dirty alley and I almost couldn’t bear to hear it.

I just cant waste my time feeling sorry for myself after this. A lot of people have a lot more problems than I ever will and I am so fucking thankful I have somewhere to live and food to eat.

Tagged: Work